Inappropriate Visions
by prplemyth
Summary: "Very Sexy Dare." "Excuse me?" The discovery of a certain perfume in Victoria's Secret leads to an interesting vision. Rachel/Nico. Oneshot.


_A/N: I went to Victoria's Secret yesterday with my friends, and saw a perfume, and got immediately inspired to write this oneshot. Oh, PJO, way to take over my life._

_Also – if this is what I come up with at 2:30am, my mind seems to get dirtier the farther I get from sleep. And it's wicked short. Oh well._

_Set a few months prior to Loser of the Rings._

_I hope you like this! Because I liked writing it, because Rico rules!_

"Very Sexy Dare."

"Excuse me?"

Nico held up the bottle of perfume, a smug smirk across his face, "Very Sexy Dare. It's the name of the perfume."

I rolled my eyes and snatched it out of his hand. "Hah, hah. Very funny. Very clever. Use my last name and make fun of me for it. Original. Really, I'm impressed. Fantastic."

"Aw," said Nico, "Come on, Rach, you know I'm playing around."

"Yeah?" I said, trying to fight back a smile, "Well, you're being ridiculous. Now put this back where you got it from."

"I know," said Nico with this patronizing grin, "you can't reach the top shelf."

"Shut up, death boy."

"Is that the Oracle speaking? No? Then I don't have to do what you say."

"I hate you."

"You hate me?" he asked, gesturing to myself, "You dragged me into Victoria's Secret, and you hate me. Really," he looked quickly around the store, his eyes falling upon a forty something trying to choose between leopard print and flowers. I pointedly looked away, and ended up looking at a seventy something buying a lace bra.

Oh dear Zeus. "Why couldn't you have just asked Annabeth?" Nico said, covering his eyes, "We don't even talk to each other civilly."

I blushed. "I needed a new bra, and I didn't want to go to the mall alone!"

"I didn't want to go at all…" Nico muttered, glancing over at a particularly skanky little outfit.

"Oh," I said, jokingly, "You don't like the maid look?"

"Is that what it's supposed to be?"

"Yeah!" I said, picking it up and laying it across myself, "Look, see, it's a little apron. Except I've never seen an apron fluorescent pink before…"

"Neither have I."

I continued browsing, until I came upon something called the Miraculous Lift bra or something of the like. "Oh holy Hera."

"What?" asked Nico, coming over to where I stood.

"This isn't a bra," I said, horrified, "This…This is a pillow. A rather small pillow, but a pillow all the same." I picked it up, "Oh, holy, wow, this is absurd. Add two cup sizes? Yeah, that's because it's all padding!" I shuddered, "That must be so uncomfortable."

"Do you have to be flinging this around?" asked Nico in a low voice, "Or can I at least leave as you fling it around? It's weird to be in here. Everyone's probably thinking we're picking out some sexy outfit for you to wear in some…tryst."

"Tryst?" I asked with a laugh, "Really, a tryst. Us. No way in hell. No, never. Yeah, right, you wish, I –"

The scene changed.

I was walking into my bedroom in a bright purple lacy little thing. "Hello," I said to the man on the bed, "Waiting for me?"

Nico turned around, wearing a suit from work, and smiled at me, "Oh, holy…" his sentence trailed off, but I could see the lust in his eyes.

"Hmm," I said, playing with the ribbon tying the nightie closed, "You were at work for quite a while."

All he could do was nod, and I saw him swallow hard. "Jesus, Dare."

"Oh," I said, slowly walking towards the bed, trying to restrain myself. I wanted to tease him – even if it was killing me to do so. "Last names now, huh?"

Nico couldn't do anything other than nod – and even that looked difficult for him.

"Get over here."

"Nah," I said, feeling the thin fabric brush across the top of my thigh, "I think I'll stay right here."

"Rachel, what are you doing?"

"Messing with you," I said to Nico, who was walking up to me with a hungry look on his face. "I know that's how you like it."

"RACHEL," he said more urgently, "Whoa, hold up. Rachel! Can you hear me?"

Immediately, the scene went back to normal.

I was on the floor of Victoria's Secret, staring up into the dark eyes of Nico di Angelo, not full of lust as they were in my vision seconds before, but full of worry.

"Rach?" he asked, helping me sit up, "Um, we should probably get out of here." To my surprise, he was blushing.

"Yeah, wow," I said, shaking my head lightly, trying to rid myself of the intensity of my vision,"Sorry about that, I guess I just, um, passed out a little bit. Too much perfume," I joked. I noticed a crowd around the two of us, and I began to stand, "All's well, I'm okay!"

Nico helped me out of the store, and I sat down on the bench a few stores down in the mall.

"So," I said, rubbing my temples, "What did I do?"

Nico blushed, "Um…"

"What?" I asked.

"You kind of, erm, did the whole green mist Oracle thing and spouted off a prophecy in the middle of the store."

I dropped my head into my hands, worried where this was going. "Oh, gods, what did I say?"

"Um," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "Uh, you were probably just talking about someone else. Since, you know…Um…"

"What?" I asked, wary of the answer, "What did I say?"

"Well, uh, it's not about…Since you kind of hate me…And you can't.

"Nico, what in Zeus' name did I say?"

Nico cleared his throat and looked at me apologetically. "Don't hate me after this," and began.

_"The one who speaks of the future,_

_And the one who speaks to the dead,_

_Shall fall together in a moment of worry,_

_It begins with a dress of red,_

_Their fire shall bring a new Oracle trend,_

_It will not be welcomed by everyone,_

_But what happens with this unlikely pair,_

_Will change a goddess' fun."_

I stared up at Nico. "Oh, mother of Kronos…"

"Yeah."

"Well," I said, picking up my bags, and refusing to meet Nico's eye, "That settles it. I'll just never wear red again."

"It may not be you," said Nico, bright red, walking beside me, "I mean, there's Oracles everywhere. And I've got to have some siblings somewhere, right? It could even mean like some completely stupid psychic getting with some séance director or something."

"Yeah," I said with a stupid laugh, "It's not you. Why would you think it's you? Or us?"

Nico looked taken aback. "I never – no way. Ew. You and me?"

"Ew? You're saying ew?"

"Yes, ew."

"Well ew to you! You said it yourself, I'm a Very Sexy Dare!"

"No," he said, ignoring the slap I dealt to his arm, "I was pointing it out for the irony and absolute absurdity."

"I hate you."


End file.
